I Am About 85% Sure I Found Our Donor

by Stacey Jaros

Early the morning of September 10, 2018, I sent my half-siblings, M, J, and JL, an email with the subject, "I am about 85% sure I found our donor." In the email I presented my findings from the night before. I forwarded that email to both Julie, and my distant-cousin S, without whose research I would probably still have many unanswered questions.

Both Julie and S checked my work and concluded I had indeed solved the biggest mystery of my life.

The "Golden Obituary" also illuminated the identity of another "Close Match" on Ancestry as the other daughter of my grandmother, my other aunt. In the next AncestryDNA section of relatives listed as "1st Cousins" there were two paternal matches. JL having confirmed neither of those matches as her daughter, both those matches were back to unknowns. Until the Golden Obituary. The identity of both those matches, both first cousins to my half-siblings and me, became apparent. Even the first cousin who uses a pseudonym was apparent from the contents of the obituary.

If I've presented the story clearly enough you can see JL only found out about M, J, and me THREE DAYS before I figured out who our donor is. She went from thinking she was alone as a donor conceived person, to finding three half-siblings, plus a distant cousin in S, to learning the identity of a bunch of close relations, including our donor in three days.

After having cracked the code, I needed to turn my attention to my school project. I attempted to give my full attention to my project and made excellent progress after work that evening. All the while I was keeping an eye on my Ancestry messages, and the emails flying among my siblings and me. Someone found our aunts and cousins on facebook, someone found yearbook photos of our aunt. We found our donor's address. We located our donor. Our donor lived in Southern California, not far from the clinic where we were all conceived.

The next morning on the way to work I was in a car accident. I was rear-ended (front-ended??) by a car accelerating quickly while backing out of a parking space. I didn't have time to back up so I braced myself while honking my horn. The driver never looked back or slowed. I was initially bummed because the car I was driving was the first new car I've ever owned. It was brand new in May 2018. Fortunately, the bumper did its job and it barely shows a scratch.

The driver called 911 and claimed injuries, until the arriving police informed her the accident had been her fault. *sigh*

My shoulder, having braced against the horn, took a lot of the impact. Writing, typing, was excruciating, for months. Many months. I absolutely regret not taking the paramedics recommendation to be seen by a medical professional immediately. All I could think about was my workday, and my school project.

It was A MORNING. I went from one of the most exciting events of my entire life, to a pretty crappy moment very quickly.

While it seems entirely anti-climactic now, I presented my project on time. I was pleased with my presentation, learned a new skill which will serve me well in my profession, and was able to put the class behind me.

Among the emails flying back and forth with my siblings we calendared a date to meet in person.